The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.

The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: “Can’t you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!”

The boy replies back: “Darling, I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings, we only worry about errors.”

Related ~

• Smoking is good for you!
• [Funny] – That’s not your fault.
• Jokes for you to laugh !!
• Dear Tech Support Team
• Dear God

Diana htoo from Facebook posted this awesome message on my Funwall last week. I’m kinda like it. If you already know about this, you may skip it or read it again. (I told you this because I got some bad comments in this post.)

Okay. Let’s start reading.. I hope you like it too…

**************

Title: Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy. Fantastic reply from a financial person

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

**************

Here’s a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of ‘beauty’ and ‘money’: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a ‘trading position’. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term, same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or ‘leased’. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in ‘leasing’ services, do contact me.

signed, J.P. Morgan

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : … EVERY YEAR

MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
Manager asked to Muthu at an interview….
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X

MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London, a lady asked me, “Are you a foreigner?”.. that’s why …
Wife : SHOCKED!

MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Muthu whether any great man born in this village or not ..
and Muthu said .. “No sir, only babies were born here .. ”

MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT
Muthu was doing experiment with cockroach.
First he cut it’s one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked.
Then he cut it’s second leg and told the same.
Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same.
At last he cut it’s fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn’t walk.
Suddenly Muthu said loudly, “I found it. If we cut cockroach’s four legs, it becomes deaf.
Muthu become a saint!

MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted mirror.
Muthu shouted, “You are trying to see my wife ?
Sit back. I will drive.

MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went in a hotel.
To wash hands he went to the washbasin.
There he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the board “WASH BASIN”

MUTHU & INTERVIEWER – FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught fire and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It’s simple.. I will just stop my imagination .. :)

Oh .. i forgot . the funniest part ..
On a political rally Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote “PRESS” on her right chest … and he did it ! :)

Have Fun! :)

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then

I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

******

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

******

Twinkle Twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

******

The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn’t it rain on you?

******

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.

Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you.

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don’t even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you help me with my work?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

Now after the marriage …. you can read it from bellow to up !!!!

Note: Thanks to Julia for forwarding this mail.

Credit: All credits go to “English For All – English Journal” for this post.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

Teacher: “Tommy, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”

Student: “At the bottom, I guess.”

I won’t go out

The swimsuit issue of a magazine that displayed a model wearing a skimpy bikini on its cover was occupying the attention of a wide-eyed man. Disturbed, his wife said, “That’s shameful! If i looked like that I wouldn’t leave my house”.

“To tell the truth” , the husband replied, “if you looked like that, neither would I.”

Two things about John Milton

Professor: “Tell me one or tow things about John Milton.”

Student: “Well, he got married and he wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.”

Can you make your own bad?

Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you make your own bad.

Guest: I’ll make my own bed.

Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.

Bad Dog?

“It’s for my mother-in-law” , explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, “My Doberman here killed her.”

“Gee… That’s terrible” , commiserated the spectator. “But.. Hmmmmm…. Is there anyway you might lend me your dog for a day or so?”

The bereaved son-in-law pointed his humb over his shoulder and answered, “Get in line.”

Have Fun!! :)

It’s not the fault of a student if he/she fails his exam,
u know why? The year has 365′ days only.
Let’s count how many days a student get for practicing the lessons for a year..

Typical academic year for a student:

Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.

Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.

8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.

1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.

Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.

Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.

Movies and functions – at least 2 days. 1 day left.

That 1 day is your birthday. Make A Wish
How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!

Balance = 0

” Then how can a student pass ??” :)

Note: Thanks to Shwe Sin.

Whisper

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.”

The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper.’”

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father,
“Daddy, I have to whisper.”

The father looked at him and said,
“Okay, why don’t you whisper in my ear.”

Me and God

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Religious Boyfriend

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “Hello, could you give me condom. I’m going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!”

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, “Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too.”

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, “Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets t here, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, “Dear Lord, bless this dinner and Thank you for all you give us.”

A minute later the boy is still praying; “Thank you Lord for your kindness.” Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”

The boy replies, “I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray “Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

$5 and $10 weight loss programs

Once a man was walking around the New York city and saw, weight loosing service. As he was quite heavy, he thaught why not trying the service.

He went in. The building was quite large. There was a reception he saw. He went there and asked them that he wanted to loose some weight.

The girl at the reception asked him whether he wanted to loose weight for 5$ or 10$. He was not sure about it and choose 5$ as it was cheaper than 10$.

The girl asked him to enter the big door. He entered the door and saw there, a stadium runway like stuff. It was written there to take off his cloths. So, he took off. Suddently, a very very pretty girl, naked, comes up and started running on the runway.

When she started to run, she said, “Do whatever you want to do to me, if u can catch me”. The man looked at her in lust, and start running after her. He tried to catch the girl, but he can’t. Then, after a while, the girl entered a room and disappeared. The man was told that it was already 1 hour and the service is finished. He put on the cloths and went back home.
Luckly, he found that he lost some weight. So he thaught to try 10$ one so that the time will be longer and he can catch the pretty girl. Next day, he went on again and choose 10$ one. As usual he entered the door, and asked to take off his cloths. He was eagerly waiting for the girl. But suddently, the door opens and a huge black nigro came up naked. He said, if u can’t run… I will open ur ass. He ran so fast for longer time and lost more weight than before.

Wake up, son
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”
SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”
MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”
SON : “One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”
MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”
SON : “Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?”
MOM : “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

Fastest ways of communication

What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?

Tell her not to tell anyone :-)

It’s for your mom

A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, “Dad, why do ukeep telling people u’re dying of AIDS?”
Answer:”So when I’m dead no one will dare touch ur mom!”

Me too

A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:

Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori ” Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say ‘how are you’.

Then Mr Clinton should say “I am fine, and you ?”

Now you should say ‘me too’.

Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you. It looks quit simple, but the truth is ….

When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said “Who Are You?”.

Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor : “Well, I am Hilary’s husband, ha ha…”

Then Mori replied confidently “Me too, ha ha ha..”

Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.

Love Dress

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress” the daughter-in-law explained.

“But you’re naked!” exclaimed the mother-in-law.

“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will behome from work any minute.” said the daughter-in-law.

The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, took a shower, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress” she replied.

“You should’ve ironed it!” said her husband.

Two Plus Two!!

A young girl came home from school and was heard by her mother reciting her homework: “Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch–”

“Judy!” shouted her mother. “Watch your language! You’re not
allowed to use swearwords like son of a bitch”

“But, Mom,” replied Judy, “that’s what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it.”

Next day Judy’s mother went to school with her daughter and
right into the classroom to complain. “Oh, heavens!” said the teacher. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say, ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’ ”

Punishment for cursing habits

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American, and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 released him out of the bottle, he said “Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.”

“When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool water to become, then your wish will come true.”

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted “WINE”. The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted “VODKA” and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, “BEER”. He was so contented with his beer pool .

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, “SHIT!!!!!!!!!!………”

Short Story on Religion, Sexuality & Mystery

Credit : My Lounge: Short Story on Religion, Sexuality & Mystery

Njoy!! Have fun!!!

Related Posts ~

• Dear Tech Support Team
• RULES OF THE WORLD CUP
• Is your wife smart Enough?

A woman wakes up during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

“Yes I do” she replies.

The husband pauses – the words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?”

“Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?”

“I remember that too” she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “I would have been released today.”

Keep smiling… :)

Note: Thanks to Rahul Singh for forwarding this mail.

Other Jokes that I’d like to share with you all

• Coincidence!!!
• [Photos] – In Male & Female Toilets
• [Photos] – Lively-Beach
• [Photos] – Unusual Toilet Signs

Have Fun! Have a nice weekend!

Note: Thanks to Julia for giving me that link.